Reeve: *in ridiculous British accent* Welcome to Silly Songs with Rude, the part of the game where Rude comes out--

Reno: *snigger*

Reeve: *ahem* --and sings a silly song.

Reno: Didn't know you had it in you, Rudy-baby.

Rude: *stony silence*

Reeve: *flustered* Anyway. Our curtain opens as Rude, having just finished his morning bath, is searching for his hairbrush. Having no success, Rude cries out...

Rude: *surprisingly enough* Oh, where is my hairbrush?
Oh where is my hairbrush?
Oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where oh, where...
is my hairbrush?

Reno: *shock*

Reeve: (I told you he sang.) ...Having heard his cry, Tseng enters the scene. Shocked and slightly embarrassed at the sight of Rude in a towel, Tseng regains his composure and reports...

Tseng: *deadpan, pointing* I think I saw a hairbrush back there.

Rude: Back there is my hairbrush.
Back there is my hairbrush.
Back there, back there, oh, where, back there, oh, where, oh, where, back there, back there, back there...
is my hairbrush.

Reeve: Having heard his joyous proclamation, Elena enters the scene. Shocked and slightly embarrassed at the sight of Rude in a towel, Elena regains her composure and comments...

Elena: *gleeful* Why do you need a hairbrush? You don't have any hair!

Reeve: Rude is taken aback. The thought had never occurred to him. No hair? What would this mean? What will become of him? What will become of his hairbrush? Rude wonders...

Rude: No hair for my hairbrush.
No hair for my hairbrush.
No hair, no hair, no where, no hair, no hair, no hair, no where back there, no hair...
for my hairbrush.

Reeve: Having heard his wonderings, Reno enters the scene. Shocked and slightly embarrassed at the sight of Rude in a towel, Reno regains his composure and confesses...

Reno: *with deliberate slowness* Rude, that old hairbrush of yours ... Well, you never use it, you don't really need it. So, well, I'm sorry... I didn't know. But I gave it to the Pres-- *maliciously* 'Cause he's got hair.

Reeve: Feeling a deep sense of loss, Rude stumbles back and laments...

Rude: Not fair! Oh, my hairbrush.
Not fair! My poor hairbrush.
Not fair, not fair, no hair, not fair, no where, no hair, not fair, not fair, not fair!
My little hairbrush!

Reeve: Having heard his lament, President Rufus enters the scene. Himself in a towel, both Rude and the President are shocked and slightly embarrassed at the sight of-- each other.

Reno: Woohoo!

Reeve: *blushing* ! ...But, recognizing Rude's generosity, the President is thankful...

Rufus: *delivering his lines flatly, as if reading off a cue card* Thanks for the hairbrush. (Why am I here?)

Reeve: *exultant* Yes, good has been done here. The President exits the scene. Rude smiles, but, still feeling an emotional attachment for the hairbrush, calls out...

Rude: Take care of my hairbrush.
Take care, oh my hairbrush.
Take care, take care, don't dare not care. Take care. Nice hair. No fair. Take care, take care...
of my hairbrush!

Reeve: *relieved* The end!