The Boxer


by Tenshi


In the clearing stands a boxer and a fighter by his trade
and he carries the reminders of every glove that laid him down
or clapped him till he cried out, in his anger and his shame:
'I am leaving I am leaving' but the fighter still remains...

--Simon & Garfunkel


Rowen jerked awake at 2:43 am, his whole body tense, listening desperately for whatever it was that had jerked him so completely out of a sound slumber. Had he been dreaming? He reached out with his mind, touching the presences he knew better than his own soul. Everyone was asleep, Ryou, Sai, Kento, Mia- then he felt it again, a flutter in the back of his mind like a trapped wren in the house.

~FearSorrowHelplessnessRageGuiltHorrorOhgodohgodohgod...~

"Seiji!" Rowen shoved off his blankets and raced across the hall to the blond warrior's room, entering without the knock that was almost required for admittance. This was no time for pleasantries.

Not that Sage even noticed Rowen was there. He was thrashing in his sleep, his counterpane and sheets in a tangled pile on the floor, as though cowering from the terror of Sage's nightmare. Sage was trembling and sobbing, but in such an eerie silence it made Rowen's skin crawl.

"Sage!" Rowen grabbed at his best friend, trying to shake him awake without having an eye blackened by a flailing limb. "Wake up!"

Sage made a muffled noise, pushing weakly at Rowen's hands as one would cloying vines. "Make it stop..." His voice was so shattered Rowen wouldn't have believed it was even Sage, if not for the fact his lips were moving. Sage was all ice! If he HAD nightmares they were never like this! Rowen buried his puzzlement, finally getting a good grip on Sage's shoulders.

"SAGE!" he hissed, debating yelling and waking the others, he might need their help. "Snap OUT of it!" Rowen was ready to smack him when Sage's eyes opened wide, grey and wild, and focused in bewilderment on Rowen's face. Rowen made to release him, now that he was awake, but Sage just crumpled into him, sobbing so that his whole body shook.

Rowen was so stunned that he forgot to react. Sage didn't fall apart... Sage NEVER fell apart! He was Captain Control, Mr. Turn off the Emotion chip just whenever! Rowen had only seen him cry once, and that was years ago. He awkwardly put his arms around his best friend, wishing to god Sai was here. They didn't call him the human handkerchief for nothing... he could comfort anybody. Rowen had never so much as had a pet, what did he know about soothing someone? "S'all right," He murmured, winging it. "Ya just- Just had a nightmare or something."

"Couldn't stop it," Sage murmured, and then repeated it over and over like some remorseful mantra. "couldn'tstopitcouldn'tstopit..."

"Shh," Rowen's actions went into instinct he didn't know he had, cradling the perfect form he would never before had considered vulnerable, smoothing the tousled honey hair in what he hoped was a soothing gesture. "What couldn't you stop, Sage?"

"My armor," Sage exhaled into his hands, pressing his cheek into Rowen's shoulder. "It was killing them... it... it hurt you- it killed all of them, oh god the children were screaming, Rowen," Rowen's heart ached with sympathy even as the horror and loathing in Sage's voice got worse. "They were screaming for god and for mercy and their mothers already dead and Korin... I... just crushed them!" He was trembling uncontrollably by this point, his eyes wide and glassy, the pupils so large only a ring of terrified grey remained, the violet faded out like innocence. "Oh God. I killed them." Sage pressed his palms to his eyes, trying to blot out the images, the crunch of bone and the white gauntlets running with red. "How can you even touch me?"

Rowen pulled him back, holding the shivering form tightly, willing strength into him. "It wasn't you, Sage. It wasn't even Korin. It was Shikaiesen." Rowen wept even less than Sage did, due to his clinical distance to most things, but right now he had to blink back his own anguish for his friend. No wonder Sage was having a breakdown. He'd held this in for months since New York, putting up that calm facade he knew so well. NOBODY could endure that kind of pain. Not even Sage.

"But I felt it..." Sage whispered, clinging gratefully to his friend. "I felt all of it..."

"It wasn't you. It wasn't ya fault, Sage. None of it was. Cry for them if ya have to." Rowen reached over to pick up one of the blankets from the floor, wrapping it around Sage's shivering body. "I won't let ya go."

Sage cried softly, no longer the harsh sobs lingering from the nightmare, but the kind of tears that could wipe away pain and ease a heart. Rowen rocked him without even realizing he was doing it.

~Not you~ Rowen reminded him, but instead Sage remembered that Rowen had been the first one to reach him that day, it was Rowen who had snapped the wires and lifted him off the cruel star. Rowen's hands had held a gentleness as though he was afraid Sage would shatter, the relief in both their eyes saying all that had needed to be said.

~You saved me twice.~

~Sleep.~ It was a gentle urge; the one gift Sage would let Rowen grant. Rowen pressed a kiss against the soft hair, not thinking of why he did it, only knowing it was the only gesture that would answer at the moment. ~I'll stay with you.~

~Thank you...~ Sage's sending was already heavy, he was dozing off again.

Rowen stared down at him a long time, the perfect features calm again in repose, even the silver path of his tears gone. There weren't any words, Rowen realized. No way of defining a fierce kind of love that was a different being than romance, a bond that had looked death and worse in the eye and withstood it, made it stronger. Something that made him want to curve around his friend like armor and shield him, something that felt tremendously honored that he had held him as he grieved.

No words. Language wasn't made to shape to such a weight. Even if there were, Sage would not have heard Rowen speak them; he was sound asleep. Rowen followed not long after.


Sage half-woke, knowing in the back of his mind that he'd been whacking snooze on his internal alarm for quite some time. Sleeping had just felt so good- better than it had in months. He hadn't even wanted to ponder the notion of getting out of-

He realized at that precise moment that he was being held. He wasn't exactly certain what to make of it, twisting enough to see that it was Rowen, out cold behind him and keeping Sage in a loose embrace.

Memory drifted back to Sage, hazy but understandable, a shadow of anguish eased.

Oh.

He smiled faintly. It had been a long time since any of them had required another's company just to sleep the night through. Right after the war it was not uncommon for Ryou to wake up with all of them next to him, keeping back the terrifying dreams he could never quite recall, guarding him just with their presences.

So that's why Rowen was here. Sage's faint smile became a real one, a rarity unlike his usual smirk. He didn't know what Rowen had done... he just knew he felt better than he had in ages, not like the weight of the world was crushing his soul.

If he was feeling so much better, then he ought to get up, he reasoned. Surely it was past dawn...

He REALLY didn't want to move. How long had it been since he'd gotten a few hours of sound sleep?

What the hell. He closed his eyes.

"Don' worry," Rowen muttered sleepily. "Kento makes any comments an' I'll smear him."

"That's nice of you," Sage noted that the arms around him didn't move. He also noted the damn he didn't give about that.

"Anythin' fa a friend," Rowen responded, and promptly went offline again. Sage chuckled slightly.

The sun rose without them.


~o~





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